doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
