I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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