I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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