I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
