I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
