can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
