Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
