So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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