I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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