I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
