i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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