Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
