Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
