HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
