I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
