If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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