I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
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Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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