worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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