I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
