So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
