using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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