I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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