i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
