Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
