I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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