If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
