Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
