it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
