Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
