roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
