That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
