I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
