I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
