He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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