Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
