So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
