if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
