The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
