RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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