ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
