Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Text me some of your sweat
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