I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
