Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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