Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
