So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize