I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you're hired as official boob wrangler
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
