Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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