Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
