How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
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Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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