I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
