I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
