you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
