TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
