He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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