i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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