FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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