I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
how does that bad decision feel?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
