I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
