he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can't turn off my feet"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
