I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
