her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
