If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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