so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
