I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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