All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
