So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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