Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
