Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
