totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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