I hate your face
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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