you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
