Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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