There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
