i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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