I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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