pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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