I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
