I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
