direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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