you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
