last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
